Parodies and Spoofs Fanfiction: Deadliest Warrior, Season X - 16. Linkara Vs The Angry Video Game Nerd
- Parodies and Spoofs Fanfiction: Deadliest Warrior, Season X
- 16. Linkara Vs The Angry Video Game Nerd
AN: First off, I want to say that this battle should not be taken seriously, it is just supposed to be a funny one, meaning I don’t want any messages saying that Linkara should have won cause of this or Nerd for that, nor when I finish this season of Deadliest warriors (after the new one comes out this summer) when I do the back for blood special, the winner will not be put into the warriors.. This is a joke and because I am a fan I thought a match up against these two would be as awesome as Forever Red from the Power Rangers (look it up!) Please note, that if you do not know who Linkara or the Angry Video game nerd is, do not read this as I am using many plot related items, characters, and call backs to their respective shows. Please enjoy.
A Comic reviewer who is a defender of Earth.
The Angry Video Game Nerd
A nerd whose life is devoted to playing and destroying terrible video games.
Who is deadliest?
Bren turned to the camera and smirked
“Today’s episode will only be hosted by me, as both Russell and Rommel are out today. And these warriors are not like the others” Bren said, “These ones are both reviewers who have shown past combative experience. So who will win? Let’s find out”
Both of these warrior reviewers bring in a deadly arsenal of personal tools and weapons
The Magic Gun
The Man punch
While The Angry Video Game Nerd has:
Nintendo Combat Armor
Testing for Linkara is the insane Scientist, Dr. Insano. A Criminal master mind whose genius is only equal to his insanity. Fighting Linkara many times in the past, he knows the workings and power of Linkara’s weapons and combat style.
For the Nerd. Kyle Justin will be testing his weapons. Kyle is the musician for the nerd, and knows how the Nerd works and fights.
“A fight between these two reviewers, even I don’t know what will happen” Bren said, but let’s get started.
“Alright boys, follow me” Bren said to Kyle and Insano as he led them outside to the firing range
“Let’s test out the main long range weapons” Bren said to them as Insano held the small flintlock
“The magic gun, fueled by the soul of a little girl” Insano explained
Bren and Kyle were silent and they turned to each other and shivered
“That’s…that’s just dark” Bren said, pointing to the firing range, in the range was four cans, two dummies, and a large stone target.
“Alright Insano, I’m gonna give you 60 seconds to fire on the targets” Bren said
“Of course, I know how these things work, I’m a genius you know” He said taking aim
“3…2….1 FIRE!” Bren called out and Insano fired the flintlock
Green bursts of magic fired out completely destroying a can. 3 more shots and the cans were gone like the first.
He aimed at the dummies and shot one, but instead of a wound it was thrown back through the back wall it was leaning against landing 5 feet away. The second one also was sent flying back through the wall but went 7 feet this time. He aimed at the stone target and it was cracked right in the middle, nearly splitting open.
“Time” Bren said checking the stopwatch
“56 seconds” Bren said, not bad
“I can do better” Kyle said putting down his guitar from his back.
“Oh yeah, what do you have?” Insano asked, obviously annoyed
“This” Kyle said holding up the NES Zapper pistol
“This is the Nerds main weapon” Kyle explained
“What does it shoot?” Bren asked
“Laser shots” Kyle said, “Though I will admit I don’t know how many shots it will be able to give out before it’s useless”
“Well either way if it’s a laser then it would be fast and pretty powerful” Bren said nodding his head
Kyle took his aim
“3…2…1….FIRE!” Bren yelled and Kyle shot four times, the cans were shot off and then he took aim at the dummies, and fired. One shot hit the first dummy in the head and then he fired the second shot, the laser hit the chest. He then took aim at the stone target and fired. The laser shot hit dead center and Bren could see a small dent in the center.
“37 seconds, much faster than the magic gun” Bren said typing into his laptop.
“So which gun is better?” Kyle asked as Bren kept typing
“The magic gun has more power, but it is slower. The Zapper doesn’t have much reliability, but it is a lot faster than the magic gun so you can put more shots out” Bren said…”Edge Linkara, the gun is more powerful, while the shots won’t come as often, it will cause more damage when they hit”
“But we still have other weapons.” Bren said
Kyle held the Super Scope
“The SNES Super Scope, not used often, but when used it can cause a lot of damage” Kyle explained
“Alright, why don’t we have you fire at this small shack we set up” Bren said pointing at a shack in the distance
“Ok” Kyle said taking aim
“This should be interesting” Insano said twitching his fingers
Kyle fired a large light orb and it sailed across the field and when it hit the shack it blew up, the shack was no more.
“…wow” Bren was amazed
“I can only fire this three times, but each shot is powerful” Kyle said setting the device down
“Yes, but Linkara has something more useful, this” Insano said holding up the dragon dagger
“Wait wait wait” Bren said holding his hands up, “Isn’t that from Power Rangers?” Bren asked
“It is, but Linkara loves using Power Ranger stuff and other toys for combat” Insano explained
“Ah, so what can it do?” Bren asked
“It can be used for hand to hand combat or for long range, it can shoot green lightning” Insano explained to Bren
“Lightning, now that’s awesome” Bren said chuckling.
Bren set up a gel torso dummy for Insano to use the dagger on.
“Alright just work your magic” Bren said to Insano who laughed like the crazy man he was
He then stabbed the dagger into the torso’s head and then pulled back slitting the throat, he then turned to towards another shack that was set up and he swung the blade sending an arc of green lightning at the shack causing it to blow up. The explosion wasn’t as strong as the Super Scopes blast but it still was impressive to say the least.
“Not bad, good for close range, and not bad at long range” Bren said typing in his laptop
“So which weapon is better?” Kyle asked
“Well the Super Scope has a lot more firepower, but the dragon dagger can also be used for close range combat as well as long range. While I love explosions and I love destructive force I got to give the edge to the dragon dagger.” Bren said
But the testing isn’t over; both reviewers have their own hand to hand combat weapons.
Back in the lab Kyle was wearing the NES Power Glove
“So this is the power glove” Bren said looking it over
“Yeah, it’s a piece of shit but it does multiply the power of the Nerd personal punches. He once took down Freddy Krueger using this” Kyle explained and Bren nodded his head with approval.
“Ok then, well I got a gel torso, mind taking a swing at it” Bren said
“Alright I can do that” Kyle said rubbing his wrist looking at the torso.
“When you are ready” Bren said and Kyle swung his fist, blood splattered out of the head, and then he punched lower, hitting the rib and Bren could hear the cracking
“Yikes” Bren said looking over the damage
“Well you caved in the skull, even if the guy was still standing, the damage to his brain, well let’s just say that doing tasks like playing games, or reading comics would be too difficult. But then you cracked the ribs and caused internal bleeding. That is seriously a one hit K.O. glove” Bren said
“True, but Linkara doesn’t need gadgets to punch someone” Dr. Insano said wearing a large mechanical glove
“So why are you wearing a glove then?” Kyle asked
“Well only Linkara can do this punch, I have to use this device in order to simulate the punch force” Insano explained
“Alright, so explain the punch” Bren said
“Well, it’s known as the Man Punch because Linkara says the phrase, “I am a man” before punching, it allows him to unlock more power from his body, making the punches stronger, err doesn’t work against machines however” Insano said
“Alright, take a swing at the torso” Bren said as Insano took position, he then laughed and said, “I AM A MAN!” and punched the head, the face was sunken in and crack, this was a powerful punch
“…wow” Bren was impressed, “Well looking at the damage, you caved in the face, I don’t need to explain how that would ruin someone’s day” Bren said, “So he has to say the phrase for it to work?” Bren asked
“Correct” Insano said confirming the question
“Well that’s a problem, he loses the element of surprise, plus if he couldn’t say it, it wouldn’t matter. Sure the nerd is using a glove but at least he doesn’t have to say anything for it to work. Edge Nerd” Bren said
Edge: Angry Video Game Nerd
For the final test, Bren has reviewed footage of the Nerd’s and Linkara’s battle armor.
The nerd’s combat armor consists of many Nintendo accessories, enhanced for combat. The mat cape on his back can ward off attacks; the senor head piece allows him to target enemies much faster and with more accuracy. And it has a belt to hold all other weapons just in case as well as enhance them.
Linkara’s armor is the White Ranger Battle Armor. Using the same technology of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, he changes into his combat armor form. He wears the shoulder pads and chest armor which enhances his power, defense, and even allows his Man punch the ability to strike machines.
Bren was finished typing, “Alright, looking over the data, I concluded that both armors are useful, however slight problems, one for the nerd. The amount of items on him could make it harder to change in a combat situation, for Linkara, he uses a morpher, lose the morpher, lose the armor” Bren said, “But I want to say the Nerd’s armor might be the more useful armor, given it can repel attacks and boost his weapons” Bren said, “Edge Nerd”
Edge: Angry Video Game Nerd
Now Bren will impute all the data into a state of the art simulation program. And to make sure the battle isn’t won by a lucky blow, Bren will simulate the battle 1000 times to declare a winner.
Its reviewer Vs reviewer
Comic Reader Vs Gamer
Foul Mouthed Vs Calm demeanor
“Let’s do this” Bren said hitting the last key starting the simulation.
The simulation opens up at a Comic Con, many booths were set up and we see Linkara talking to his girlfriend Iron Liz, they were talking at his booth marked “Meet Linkara”
But on the other side James Rolf, AKA the Nerd was walking through the crowd with his friend “Motherfucking” Mike
He made it through the crowd and saw Linkara and the two stared off, the crowd was silent and the Nerd said
“This was my spot, this was where I was going to put my booth” The Nerd said in anger
“Hey I reserved this spot weeks ago, it’s hard to find a good spot” Linkara said trying to reason with the Nerd
“That’s it” The nerd said cracking his neck, Mike handed him the Zapper and he aimed at Linkara and fired, Linkara barely avoided the blast and ducked behind his booth
“Crap” He muttered drawing his magic gun from his side. Many fans scattered but some were staying to watch the fight.
Linkara came up from the hiding position but ducked down to avoid another blast from the Nerd
“Ok new plan” Linkara said going into a box and pulling out a comic, it was Super Man at Worlds End
“At least now you will be useful” He muttered tossing it up into the air, the nerd fired hitting the cover and burning a hole in the book but it gave Linkara enough time to get up and fire a blast from his magic gun hitting the Nerd square on in the chest knocking him into another booth
Linkara ran off to catch his breath while Mike helped the Nerd up
“You ok?” Mike asked
“Fuck off, I’m gonna kill that comic nerd” He snarled taking from the rubble of the booth the Super Scope and running to follow Linkara
Linkara ran past more booths and turned around to see the Nerd, and he fired a blast from his magic gun, but the Nerd dodged and fired a blast from his Super Scope that Linkara ducked to avoid. The blast hit the wall behind them causing a huge hole.
“Oh come on, this isn’t free you know” Linkara said, annoyed at the destruction they were causing and he ran through the hole before the Nerd could fire another shot. He hid right at the edge of the Hole, out of the side so the Nerd couldn’t see him.
The Nerd walked through the hole holding the Super Scope but then, “I AM A MAN!”
Linkara called out the phrase and punched the Nerd in the side knocking him to the ground and forcing him to drop the Super Scope
“Want to play like that huh?” The Nerd Asked get up and holding up his fists
“Bring it nerd” Linkara said swinging a punch but the Nerd weaved and hit Linkara in the chest and then sent a punch at Linkara’s face forcing him back.
Linkara wiped away some of the blood at his mouth and drew the dragon dagger from the inside of jacket and the Nerd realized he couldn’t beat a blade in hand to hand combat, least not without something to fight with it and turned to run.
“Not gonna let you run that easily” Linkara said swinging the dagger and sending an arc of green lightning at the Nerd hitting his leg but he kept running until he made it to the porta-pottys and panted, one of them opened and Mike who was in it said, “Come here”
The Nerd was a little taken aback but he went in
Linkara looked around outside, many cosplayers were confused as to what was going on but then a laser shot flew out of nowhere hitting Linkara in his right shoulder
“What the hell?” He groaned and he saw the Nerd in his combat armor, his power glove on his right fist and his Zapper in his left hand.
The nerd fired more rounds and Linkara took cover behind a hotdog cart and began to think
He got up from cover and fired his magic gun at the nerd who turned to allow the cape on his back to repel the blast, which it did sending it flying into a large wooden sculpture of the Nostalgia Critic
“Well this is just great” Linkara groaned drawing the morpher and going into the open to face the Nerd
“It’s Morphin Time!” He called out doing the pose and changing, he now has the white chest piece and shoulder guards and he held up the dragon dagger against the Nerd
Both stared off and the Nerd fired a laser shot from his zapper but Linkara used the dragon dagger to deflect the shot and charged at the nerd swinging the blade and hitting the scope lenses that the nerd wore. The lenses broke off and the Nerd pulled back for a moment to aim another shot but Linkara went in closer and swung the blade hitting the zapper and causing the nerd to drop it.
“That’s it!” The Nerd yelled head butting Linkara and forcing him to drop his dagger
“I AM A M-“Linkara couldn’t finish
“Man this!” The Nerd said punching Linkara right in the chest breaking the armor and knocking him to the ground, he clutched his head but then the Nerd grabbed the Zapper and aimed it at Linkara’s face then fired
The Nerd removed the armor and took out a bottle of Rolling Rock and began to drink it, pleased for his victory.
Winner: Angry Video Game Nerd.
“This was a very close fight, but the nerd was the one to emerge victorious with 517 kills against Linkara’s 483” Bren said
Angry Video Game Nerd
NES Zapper: 212
Power Glove: 204
Super Scope: 101
Nintendo Combat Armor: 0
The Magic Gun: 241
The Man punch: 72
Dragon Dagger: 170
Battle Armor: 0
“I knew that the Nerd would win, he played some of the worse games ever, you have to be tough to survive them” Kyle said
“I don’t like Linkara but I respect him enough to at least think he would have won” Insano said, obviously upset for the loss.
The final scene ends with The Nerd at the booth now saying, “Meet the Nerd”